President Trump Resigns After Playing a Three-Hour Text Game Made in Flash


This morning President Donald Trump held a very impromptu press conference to announce that he plans to resign from his position as president of the united states. This move comes to many as a shock but the president went on to explain that the reason he chose to resign so suddenly came to him after an excruciating 3-hour speedrun of the indie game/interactive storytelling experience ‘Drumpfler2017(Drumpf/Hitler)’

“Remarkable. Absolutely remarkable. SO remarkable that I and everyone in a 30-mile-radius actually clapped. Believe me.”

He then went on to say:

“I always thought video games were a stupid investment but man was I wrong. Guess that’s why I shouldn’t be president.”

When asked about the highlights of the game Trump said that the plot was clear and all of the themes were well placed. The art piece seems to have hit him really hard. Through some digging we were even able to find his review on steam:

 “Art like this is the future of video games. None of that silly and boring gameplay but all of the great story. The connections between myself and Hitler were spot on and definitely opened my eyes to my recent behavior. I especially liked that there is no fail state. I never fail and definitely don’t want to in a video game! The hour-long section featuring me getting pegged was ill-placed though. Beautiful. 10/10″

It doesn’t stop there. Before resigning Trump plans to create a new law that directs a sum of tax payer money to the game company’s patreon. “This move is to ensure that more beautiful works of art like this are made. I can’t wait for the remake coming in a few months.” said the president.

When asked about how they feel about the news Carl Ulman Karkowsky, director of ‘Drumpfler2017(Drumpf/Hitler’, said that his mission to dismantle the fascist takeover isn’t over.

“We have many games in the works that will hopefully reach other high-ranking members of the oval office. One of which is titled ‘Mike Pence’s Big Gay Blowout’ an indie walking simulator about the Vice President’s struggle with his identity”

We reached out to VP Mike Pence, runner-up for President, but all we got was an email saying “Video Games are now illegal”

‘Drumpfler2017(Drumpf/Hitler’ is available now on Steam’s early access for $50

No release date was mentioned for ‘Mike Pence’s Big Gay Blowout’ but Carl says it will be ‘Electrifying’